Personal stuff

Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Currently Reading
The Genesee Diary
By Henri Nouwen
see related

Prayer

I finished Yancey’s book, Prayer: Does it make any difference? what a blessing!

P 303 ” God is looking for a beachhead of presence in the world–a body, we might say, and indeed that is the very image Paul seizes upon in his letters. We the “body of Christ,” have formed a partnership to dispense God’s love and grace to others. As we experience that grace, inevitably we want to share it with others….This way of viewing the world changes how I pray for others. Crudely put, I once envisioned intercession as bringing requests to God that God may not have thought of, then talking God into granting them. Now I see intercession as an increase in my own awareness. When I pray for another person, I am praying for God to open my eyes so that I can see that person as God does, and then enter into the stream of love that God already directs toward that person.”

P 326-327 “I pray in astonished belief that God desires an ongoing relationship. I pray in trust that the act of prayer is God’s designated way of closing the vast gulf between infinity and me. I pray in order to put myself in the stream of God’s healing work on earth. I pray as I breathe because I can’t help it. Prayer is hardly a perfect form of communication, for I, an imperfect material being who lives on an imperfect, material planet am reaching out for a perfect, spiritual Being.”

Now I am reading Henri Nouwen, The Genesee Diary

I can so relate to some of Nouwen’s issues that he faced when he decided to join a Trappist Monastery for a period of time. Funny how being alone with one’s self can pull out so many issues that we think are solved. I have been reading this alongside Yancey’s book because Yancey’s book is not one that you can rapidly read. Neither is Nouwen’s book, but it is nice to have a break from one to the other.

Today I was reading his commentary on love – how the love of the fellow monks brought up so many insecurities and issues about love. Love still does scare me a bit, although I am learning more of the love of God as I continue to read and study His Word.

This paragraph stopped me in my tracks today.

P. 88 “Still, I am deeply convinced that when I allow God to enter into my loneliness, when I allow him to let me know that I am loved far more deeply than I can imagine, only then can I give and receive real friendship and write letters free from seductive motivations. When I can say with Paul, “not I live, but Christ lives in me,” then I no longer need to depend on the attention of others to have a sense of self. Because then I realize that my most important identity is the identity I have received as a grace of God and which has made me a participant in the divine life of God himself.”

Sigh, I still operate a lot by what others think and feel about me, and take my focus off of God. There is still a lot of insecurity based on my past. I grew up trying to be a wallflower, to blend in with what others wanted and lost myself in the process. God has been showing me His love, and that is helping. Right now though, other’s thoughts and ideas can still cause me to hurt. I have to learn to trust God more, and rest in His love.

Hoping you have a blessed day.

Heather

 

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About Heather Marsten

Welcome to Heather's Blog. I'm looking forward to meeting you and checking out your sites. I just moved about nine years of material over from another blog site, Xanga, who may close down mid-July. At first I was disappointed to make the move because I had a lifetime membership at Xanga and had to spend weeks transferring posts. But now I'm thrilled. Already I've met new bloggers and read many new websites. Blogging is a wonderful way to expand my horizons and garner new ideas. I'm a happily married mom of three young adults. My husband and I are proud to watch our children grow and venture out into the world. My daughter is still in college but my two sons have graduated. One has a job and the other just graduated and is in the process of finding a job in his field, physics. Anyone know of any jobs out there? I'm proud of our children and love watching them grow and mature. They've become fine, compassionate, and loving people. Empty nest? Nah, I'm too busy to let an empty nest bother me. Not enough hours in the day. My husband and I enjoy quiet time together and I have many interests to pursue - one of which is blogging :D I am a born-again believer and love God. As you read this blog, you will discover that Bible studies thrill me. There is so much wisdom contained between the covers of the Bible and I am fortunate to sit under the teachings of a remarkable pastor, Pastor Don Moore. Members of our church (Living Word Chapel in West Hurley, New York) are encouraged to teach and there are visiting pastors who stop by our church, I also study the Bible on my own and love sharing what I learn. One other passion is writing. My current work in process is a memoir. A scene from my memoir was published in a book called: Heavenly Company: Entertaining Angels Unaware - an anthology of angelic encounters compiled by Cecil Murphy. I'm hoping my memoir will encourage other survivors of abuse. I grew up in a home filled with abuse, including incest. For most of my life I was searching for something that would fill the void of not being loved by my parents. I tried many ways to find that love -- therapy, relationships, occult studies, and keeping my life so filled I had no way to think about my past. It was only when I discovered God that I was able to put the pieces of my life back together and walk forward in a joyous life. My nickname - wondering has changed from wondering where the heck God was in my life, to wondering what incredible adventure is going to happen next. I hope you enjoy my site. Please say hi, share some thoughts, and ask questions. I look forward to meeting you and checking out your sites. Have a blessed day. Heather
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