Personal – notes on Beth Moore – Breaking Free

Monday, April 03, 2006
Wanted to share an awesome encounter today. I help out a few times a year with the 7th grade sewing class. This class is required for all seventh graders. Some have their acts together, others can’t quite get organized. The teacher puts me next to the ones that need a bit of help to get at least the paperwork together so they can pass the course. So I often sit next to the kids that seem to have lost hope in themselves. One of the children I worked with today was dressed in goth, with dog collars, wristlets with spikes, and a black band that stated, “how can I ignore you today?” While we were sitting together, her and her three friends, we chatted. I go in there praying hard for these kids and an opportunity to speak a word of love into their lives.

So in our chatting I mentioned I liked her wrist band. She seemed startled and said most adults were scared by her outfits. I told her I wasn’t. And then I added, “I tend not to look at outward appearances, but rather look to the heart of a person.” She listened, and her three friend’s heads snapped up in surprise. I added that I suspected that she had a good heart. She won’t have the class tomorrow, but I am hoping that on Wednesday when I see her that we can continue talking. I pray hard for these kids. So many kids these days come from broken homes, and are hurting big time. I can relate because when I was a kid I dressed as much like a hippie as I could get away with, and also was one of the “odd” ones. My heart goes out to the hurting ones.

Tomorrow is our Woman’s Bible study – the Beth Moore Breaking Free. I am in awe of God for how much He has changed me from when I first laid eyes on this study. Now I can realize my need for relationship with Him, the anger is almost all gone (I guess it will sometimes come up but nothing like when I first walked into this group.) I just finished a three year going through the Bible in detail and from Genesis to Revelation and I have changed so much. Can’t wait until I get back into Genesis to see what more God will reveal. What depth is in the Word of God and to think that at one time I thought it so insipid.

This week in Breaking Free the discussion is in removing obstacles to a free life in Christ. the major obstacles are unbelief, pride, idolatry, prayerlessness and legalism. I suspect that in my walk each of these will at times raise their heads. Last year I struggled with unbelief, and while I still have to pray, “Lord I believe, Help my unbelief.” I find that I believe more in God than ever before – due to this walk through the Bible when I focused on promises and prophesies and their fulfillments.  Pride is always there, but for me it is often a hidden pride – feeling that I am not worthy of God’s love, feeling that if He really saw that I was in His kingdom He would kick me out – puffed up isn’t always what I deal with, but insecurity and a need for affirmation is also an element of pride and I do struggle with that.

This week the one that hit me was prayerlessness – oh I pray, and speak with God, often when I drive I will comment on things on my mind, praise God for his creation. When things are tough I pray, and I do start my day and end my day with a brief prayer. But I have found that sometimes I substitute lots of Bible study for prayer, and realize that I need to spend more time focused on God, and more time listening for that still small voice that guides. I often feel that I have to have it all together and bring my all together self to God. But really God wants me to bring myself to Him, even weak and broken. I also still have areas in me that I kind of block off to God and am trying to open them up.

I know that there are idols in my life, and right now my biggest isn’t even tangible, it is control, the need to be in total control of my emotions and the situations around me. I just don’t trust God as much as I ought to, so end up in more worry than ever.

Legalism isn’t as much of a problem for me right now, being so recently saved – 4 years, but I have several legalists that I deal with and it is hard not to react, just to love and model God’s love. Sometimes it makes me angry when people are so forceful in their opinions and oppress others by their demands. But I suspect that there are times when I am more busy watching others and thinking thoughts that are none of my business. Far better to remember to focus on God.

Beth ended her lesson with an important statement, on page 70 of the workbook, “God’s specialty is rolling away a stone. Show Him which one is causing you trouble, put your hands on top of His, and on the count of three…”

Well I have a few stones to roll away. And I suspect if I rid myself of those there are others below the surface that will push up just like stones do in a field. But, even though there are stones to roll away, many have already been pushed away, and God is continually changing me. I am so grateful to Him, for I am not the person I was a few years ago, and I know that He will keep working, for His word will not be in vain.

Please pray for me as I continue to roll away stones, and please especially pray for the kids I am working with, that God will guide me to plant a good Word into them, so that they can see a bit of God’s love in their lives.

Also please pray for my kids (teens and all that entails), and my husband that he makes wise choices regarding his health and finances.

Thanks so much, Tomorrow I will continue with Revelation studies.

Heather

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About Heather Marsten

Welcome to Heather's Blog. I'm looking forward to meeting you and checking out your sites. I just moved about nine years of material over from another blog site, Xanga, who may close down mid-July. At first I was disappointed to make the move because I had a lifetime membership at Xanga and had to spend weeks transferring posts. But now I'm thrilled. Already I've met new bloggers and read many new websites. Blogging is a wonderful way to expand my horizons and garner new ideas. I'm a happily married mom of three young adults. My husband and I are proud to watch our children grow and venture out into the world. My daughter is still in college but my two sons have graduated. One has a job and the other just graduated and is in the process of finding a job in his field, physics. Anyone know of any jobs out there? I'm proud of our children and love watching them grow and mature. They've become fine, compassionate, and loving people. Empty nest? Nah, I'm too busy to let an empty nest bother me. Not enough hours in the day. My husband and I enjoy quiet time together and I have many interests to pursue - one of which is blogging :D I am a born-again believer and love God. As you read this blog, you will discover that Bible studies thrill me. There is so much wisdom contained between the covers of the Bible and I am fortunate to sit under the teachings of a remarkable pastor, Pastor Don Moore. Members of our church (Living Word Chapel in West Hurley, New York) are encouraged to teach and there are visiting pastors who stop by our church, I also study the Bible on my own and love sharing what I learn. One other passion is writing. My current work in process is a memoir. A scene from my memoir was published in a book called: Heavenly Company: Entertaining Angels Unaware - an anthology of angelic encounters compiled by Cecil Murphy. I'm hoping my memoir will encourage other survivors of abuse. I grew up in a home filled with abuse, including incest. For most of my life I was searching for something that would fill the void of not being loved by my parents. I tried many ways to find that love -- therapy, relationships, occult studies, and keeping my life so filled I had no way to think about my past. It was only when I discovered God that I was able to put the pieces of my life back together and walk forward in a joyous life. My nickname - wondering has changed from wondering where the heck God was in my life, to wondering what incredible adventure is going to happen next. I hope you enjoy my site. Please say hi, share some thoughts, and ask questions. I look forward to meeting you and checking out your sites. Have a blessed day. Heather
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